


No Bodies, Just Hearts

by anonymousEDward



Category: OK K.O.! Let's Be Heroes
Genre: Asexual but Biromantic Professor Venomous, Asexuality, M/M, Pining, implied past dubious consent, masturbation mention, sex-repulsed Professor Venomous
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-17
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:07:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27608765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anonymousEDward/pseuds/anonymousEDward
Summary: Professor Venomous decided he had no choice but to seduce Lord Boxman.
Relationships: Lord Boxman/Professor Venomous (OK K.O.! Let's Be Heroes), past laserblast/silverspark
Comments: 26
Kudos: 100





	No Bodies, Just Hearts

**Author's Note:**

> In honor of Voxman Week (the anniversary of Villains Night In/Out airing) 
> 
> Might do a part two of this, if people are interested.

It wasn't that living with Lord Boxman was difficult, perse, so much as -

Well, no. That was a lie.

Lord Boxman was hard to live with. He had no concept of quiet mornings or weekend lie-ins, crowing like a cob dang rooster at all hours of the morning. He was a whirlwind of a villain, leaving chaos in his wake wherever he went, absolutely shattering the quiet calm of Professor Venomous's newly designated lab space. He had an overwhelming number of robotic children who were all just as noisy as him, always desperate for attention like human toddlers.

So, yes, Lord Boxman was hard to live with. It was just that, at some point, Venomous found he'd stopped caring.

His work seemed monotonous now, on the rare occasions he was spared Boxman's interruptions. He found himself shuffling to the kitchen early in the mornings to scarf down hideous but surprisingly delicious breakfasts with him before going back to bed to sleep until a more sane hour. He learned to navigate his way around the newly dubbed Voxmore just as well as he negotiated his way through their shared workspaces.

At some point, he'd found himself smiling at Boxman's outrageous antics, rather than getting frustrated.

There were other things he liked, too.

Cackling evilly together while plotting against the bodega. Curling up on the couch together, surrounded by their minions as they watched the latest Blood-splosion Spectacular. Sitting at the table for a midnight snack on the days when they couldn't sleep, exchanging little glimpses into each other's pasts. Boxman's jagged smile. Boxman's gentle claws. The smell of feathers and hot metal that Venomous had begun to associate with safety and comfort.

Of course, that was how he'd gotten into this mess in the first place.

Professor Venomous, as a general rule, did not like sex. Never had. Half the time, he couldn't even finish. He masturbated just fine, but all the sweating and moving and touching from other people was distinctly unappealing. But he'd had a reputation to maintain as Laserblast, so he'd flirted, gone on dates, slept with women and the occasional man.

He knew what people liked - a muscular, masculine hero who was just enough of a slut for his fans to stay hopeful, but not enough of one to put them off.

And then there was Silverspark, with yet another awkward come-on just hours before yet another date arranged by his PR manager and Laserblast had caved like a sandcastle.

And she'd tried so hard to make him happy that he'd ended up playing along with that, too.

At least he'd had an excuse to stop dating.

Venomous cringed, reflecting on past mistakes. Hopefully this time it would be different. He'd already dressed in his tightest pants and traded in his turtleneck for a v-neck shirt. He didn't have the muscle now that he'd had as Laserblast, but he was still pretty fit.

All he had to do is drop a few lines, strike a few poses, and everything would fall into place.

Because Professor Venomous was going to seduce Lord Boxman.

"Heya, PV! Good- morning?" Boxman visibly did a double take. "Er. Eh-heh. You look nice?"

This was a mistake, Venomous thought to himself.

"Is there a special occasion? Ooh, a holiday? A party? Can I come?"

"I just felt like dressing up," Venomous said, still mentally reeling from the blow to his confidence.

"Well, uh - heh - you look very handsome, PV!"

"Don't patronize me," Venomous mumbled before taking a seat at the kitchen table.

Boxman placed a bowl of possibly-porridge in front of him, before resting his avian adjacent hand on his elbow.

"You always look nice, PV," Boxman said, so Cob darn earnest that Venomous felt his black mood slipping away. "It's okay if you wanna dress up fancy sometimes. It just surprised me, that's all!"

Venomous wanted to kiss him.

"Right." Professor Venomous cleared his throat. "And what's on the agenda for today, Boxy?"

Alright, that was a massive failure, but Professor Venomous was a criminal mastermind, with a PhD in evil, chemistry, AND biology, so of course he could handle a small setback like that.

Obviously, he could still seduce Boxman. He wasn't looking forward to that part, of course, but it was a necessity if he had any chance of tricking the higher ranked villain into a relationship. A lifetime of family movie nights and tandem fights with heroes was more than worth the occasional unpleasant night. Boxman was affectionate, even as only his business partner, but Venomous was sure he could play off any reluctance in bed as playing hard to get.

Now to put plan B into action: bribery.

"Boxy," Venomous cooed, striding into the workshop with his upgraded blaster, "Guess what I have." 

"A blaster?" Boxman cocked his head in confusion before the metaphorical (and literal) lightbulb over his head flickered on. "Ooh, did you make some fun modifications?" He cackled quietly to himself, wearing that deranged grin Venomous was so fond of. 

"Oh, you know… Just a little - what do you call it? Tinkering." 

Boxman actually blushed a little, his smile stretching from ear to ear. "That's - that's marvelous! What does it do?" 

Venomous grinned evilly. He'd replaced the charges with something a little more…  _ experimental _ and couldn't wait to see its effect on living tissue. "That would spoil the surprise. How about I just give you a demonstration on those plaza brats?" 

Boxman gasped, clutching the wrench he was holding to his chest, and Venomous could practically see the hearts in his mismatched eyes. "Really, Professor? Oh, I'd lo- er, eh heh,  _ like  _ that. I'd like that."

Now that was more the reaction he'd been aiming for. Professor Venomous allowed a seductive smile to curl his lips. All he needed to do was show off in battle and Boxman would be begging to be his boyfriend. 

All according to plan. 

The less said about the attack, the better. The short version was this: it went poorly. The longer version, had it existed, would have included helpful tips for next time and reminders like "If you're going to fire a mutation beam at superpowered plaza goers, you should probably make sure you don't make them  _ stronger _ " or "Before using a blaster, work on your aim so you actually hit most of your targets." Or, worst of all, "Tight slacks do  _ not _ have the same give as your old Laserblast uniform."

Venomous wished he'd at least been wearing nicer underwear. He hadn't thought to coordinate that with his planned seduction outfit. 

At least Boxman thought the little hearts on his boxers were cute, even if his own Cob-dang son and his friends were howling with laughter. 

"Ah, PV… There's nothing like a good fight to get the blood pumping!" 

How was Boxman so oblivious?!

"Glad you enjoyed it," Venomous said with the thickest sarcasm he could muster. 

"I  _ did! _ I haven't tried to crush the plaza in person in  _ far _ too long - and who better to do it with than my best pal?" Boxman beamed up at him, clueless of the way his cheery words stabbed Venomous in the chest. 

It wasn't fair!

Venomous had lived his entire adult life being lusted after by men and women, villains and heroes, but the one person he actually wanted as something more than a temporary ally or minion considered him his 'pal'?! 

"Pals" didn't fantasize about holding hands or walking arm in arm. "Pals" didn't dream about cuddling together in front of a roaring fire. "Pals" didn't imagine picking Lord Boxman up by the collar of his lab coat and just kissing the heck out of him. 

And Venomous  _ wanted _ that. He wanted the kissing and the cuddles and sleeping together (but not  _ sleeping _ together) and waking up next to him every morning. He wanted millions of silly, ill-planned schemes together and hideous, but delicious meals and Boxman's annoying singing in the morning and-

Cob, I love him. 

Oh.

_ Oh. _

Well. Shit.


End file.
